Handler: OK.
We’re all set. You’ll be
great. You show up. No one will be expecting you. Everyone will
clap and cheer. Just read what’s on the
teleprompter. No ad libbing at this
event. It’s a friendly crowd so you’ll
be fine. And it’s for a great
cause. There won’t be any
questions. Read the speech. Have some fun. And then get out of there. Remember, don’t take any questions. You
haven’t been briefed. Stick with the
prepared statements.
President (to
himself):
Geez. Relax. I’m the President. I’m pretty sure I can handle this crowd. What’s wrong with taking a question or two?
President (out
loud): OK. OK. No
questions. Stick to the prepared stuff.
Handler (out
loud): Fantastic! Who’s the man? You’re the man!!
Handler (to himself) Please
God, don’t let him screw this up…..
The remarks go well. The event is a great success. The President is walking off the stage when
suddenly someone shouts a question to him!
President (to
himself):
Uh oh. A question! They made me
promise not to take any questions. I
haven’t been briefed. Why does this always happen? And why is he asking a question anyway? Maybe
we need to start restricting attendance at these things. What should I do? Hey, waitaminnit, I’m the
President. I can handle this. I just need to buy some time.
President (out loud): I didn't
quite get that. Could you repeat the
question?
President (to himself): Ha!
An eight year old boy repeats the question.
Little Boy:
What’s your favorite food?
President: (to
himself) Jesus. What’s my favorite
food? Is the kid trying to trip me
up? Christ. What do I say? Michelle’s standing right there! I hate these
kinds of questions.
I remember when I told
that magazine my favorite foods were chili, French Fries and pork chops. Michelle nearly killed me. Well I sure can’t say that again.
And the media was all
over me that time at the Iowa
State
And this is Michelle’s
event. I've got to say the right
thing. Let me see. This is a “healthy recipe contest for kids”. Hmmm. What was the winning recipe again? A Brussels sprout wrap, right? OK. THAT’s my
favorite food then. Brussels
But I can’t say
that. I hate Brussels sprouts.
Uh, everyone’s waiting
for me to say something. What’s my
favorite food? Jesus. What do I say? I
sure can’t say arugula, can I? Heh heh. Mutura? Bolang-baling? I ate dog once. That was pretty good. Hmmm
But I better not say that. Man oh
man. Why wasn't I briefed? I’m going to
kill someone.
OK. I got this. I’m the President. This is a roomful of kids. This is a once in a lifetime chance for them
to hear directly from the President. They
will remember the answer to this question for the rest of their lives. What’s my favorite food? Geez. Not a
straightforward question at all. There
are so many variables to take into account.
I can’t tell them any of my real favorite foods, that’s for sure. Michelle would kill me. And my answer has to be something really
smart. Something a President would say!
Hey, what’s this on
the lectern? Holy Cow. What luck.
It’s a menu from Michelle’s National
School
Lets see….Rutabaga
Potato Mash….Bean and Kale Ragu…..Roasted Fennel. What the…?
Beet and Shallot Smoothie. I've never even heard of any of this stuff…
What’s your favorite food?
President (to
himself): Potato Leek Gratin…..Baked Kale Chips….What do
I do? What do I do? Parsnip Puree….who’s supposed to eat this
stuff? Broccoli Couscous. Broccoli! I've heard of broccoli!
What’s your favorite food???
President (to
himself): I hate broccoli though. Everyone hates broccoli. But it’s on Michelle’s menu. Roasted Yucca Fries…..Mung Bean Crepes….Good
Lord.
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD????
Obama (out loud):
BROCCOLI! That’s my favorite food.
(Silence)
Little Boy (to
himself): Did he just say broccoli? Geez,
he must really think we’re stupid…………
____________________________________________________________
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