The Secret Plan to Take Down Trump

(In the main Conference Room.  A meeting of the Heads of all the major TV networks)

OK.  Let’s get right down to business.  We, I mean, Hillary, is barely ahead of Trump.  It’s time to take stock.  Are we doing all we can?  Gentlemen, the floor is open.

It’s the lying.  Trump lies so much that my team of fact checkers goes home exhausted every single night. They can’t keep up.  Our fact checking team has analyzed every single word he’s said since the campaign started and we have him at a 97% lying score.

Hmmm.  Seems a little low.

I know.  Practically every single word out of his mouth is a lie.  Last week he was being interviewed by Matt Lauer and the first thing out of Trump’s mouth was “Good Morning”.  I could hardly freaken believe it!

Uh, what’s wrong with that?

IT WASN’T THE MORNING ANYMORE!! It was 10 MINUTES PAST NOON!!!  And the worst thing was Matt Lauer.  He just SAT THERE like a potted plant …..and he didn’t even call him on it!!!

Um….OK.  But, I think we need to be somewhat reasonable here.  So…TELL LAUER HE’S FIRED!! His career is OVER!  And if he doesn’t like it?  Tough!  Tell him he can go work for the Trump campaign.  OK. Next.  What other Trump lies are starting to catch on?

Well, he keeps saying that Hillary has no stamina.  And now there’s all these ALT-Right Internet rumors that Hillary has health problems…

Uh, pardon me for even asking, I want to be fair here; does Hillary have any health problems that we should know about?

(silence)

(He’s thrown out of the meeting)

Geesus….Health Problems?? Is everyone completely stupid?  I’m so tired of the bullshit.  I have never in my entire life seen a healthier 69 year old grandmother.  I mean it’s amazing.  How many concussions has she had? And you can hardly even tell.  Would you be able to run for President with that many concussions?  I doubt it.  And that blood clot in her brain? Doesn’t affect her in the least.  I mean she is heal-thy.  Maybe even too healthy.

We’re all agreed on that, right?

Uh…but…you know those thick, black, glasses that she wears that make her look like a ree-…..uh…..never mind.  Ah, it’s like you said.  She’s super healthy.  In fact, it’s unbelievable how healthy she is.

OK.  Good!  That’s right.

OK, now.  Trump’s campaign should have completely collapsed by now, right?  Hillary is running a brilliant campaign.  And, we’re all doing our part. The people are really getting to know her.  Which is great.  But the problem is that the people still haven’t quite figured out what a hateful, racist, liar Trump is.  Hillary has been spending way too much time talking policy and not nearly enough time attacking Trump!  Well, that’s all going to change.  Starting today!

Um, I have an idea.  Maybe we could do a prime time special comparing Trump to Hitler?  The two are so similar that it’s positively eerie.  People don’t quite realize it.  I mean, Bush was a lot like Hitler.  So was McCain.  And Romney was practically a Hitler clone.  But Trump is so much like Hitler that it’s off the charts.  Our biggest problem is actually coming up with a way to emphasize how much like Hitler Trump actually is.  In fact, in most ways he’s worse than Hitler.

Bingo!  That’s it!  Trump IS worse than Hitler.  So all we need to do is….. find someone that’s even worse than Hitler and then show all the ways  that Trump is even worse then THAT guy!!

Brilliant!  THAT will be the next prime time special.  Ben, you’re in charge.  Have that special ready by Tuesday.  Don’t let me down.  This is so great!  Trump is finished now for sure.

OK.  This is going great.  But remember, its always smart to do more of what’s working.  And I’m getting a lot of great feedback on our TV ad of Trump imitating that handicapped guy. It’s absolute gold.  We’re running it on a 24 hour loop in some swing states.  But I think we can do more.

Ideas, gentlemen. Ideas.  We really need to run with this.  We’ve been holding back.  Who is this handicapped reporter guy anyway?? How come none of us have ever interviewed him on TV? He’s got a great story to tell.  People can understand him when he’s talking, I assume, right?  This is our secret weapon to destroy Trump once and for all!  I mean, what kind of sick bastard goes around mocking handicapped people?

He wasn’t mocking a handicapped person.   He was doing an imitation of a flustered guy caught in a lie trying to scramble his way out of it.  That’s one of Trumps go to moves.  Imitating flustered guys. There’re videos of him doing the exact same thing to other people even including Ted Cruz.

Who said that? 

WHO THE FUCK SAID THAT??!!!

Trump didn’t even know the guy. You think he knows every reporter there is?

IT WAS AN EXACT IMITATION!! OF COURSE HE KNEW HIM!!

You got any proof of that?

Get the fuck out of here.  Who the hell are you anyway?

That reporter is extremely articulate and very well spoken.  Trump was doing his flustered guy imitation.  It was nothing like the reporter at all. Spend 30 seconds researching it and see for yourself.  Anyway, I’m done here.  Good luck with the campaign.

Go fuck yourself.

(the guy empties the last garbage can and leaves)

(silence)

Ok .Finally.  Now that that idiots gone we can get back to work.  I want the “Trump Imitating the Handicapped Guy” ad running round the clock in every state from now until Nov 8. I want pictures of both of them on billboards, on buses, magazines, everything!  I want outreach to every handicapped person in the country!  Trump showed his true colors mocking this handicapped guy!  This is our best shot at dragging Hillary across the finish line!  And we’re going to run with this no matter what, right to the VERY END!!!